Smoky cocktails, immersive bars & LED dancefloors: We tried out new TUI ship Marella Voyager

Words by Harriet Mallinson

I’m being serenaded by a posh, intoxicated man sporting white tie and a pencil moustache. “Darling!” he yelps ecstatically, brandishing a bottle of Chianti as a brass drinks trolley of lurid cocktails squeaks its way across the room to us.

Yes, it’s akin to a Bertie Wooster-esque knees-up but the Chianti is more likely to be dyed water – although the cocktails are certainly real.

I’ve found myself in one of Marella Voyager’s immersive experiences, The Lock-in, held at brand new Marella Cruises venue The Exchange – accessed via a red telephone box (but only if you give the right password over the rotary dial phone). All very high jinks and very on-trend..

The themed shin-dig (which costs £15 and comes with three cocktails plus plenty of jovial singing and dancing) is just one of the many ways guests sailing on new Marella Voyager can keep thoroughly entertained of an evening.

Marella’s commitment to this was evidenced by Voyager’s exclusive christening ceremony in Malaga at which two-time Brit Awards winner, singer and songwriter, Becky Hill, performed before a display of fireworks illuminated the sky in a riot of colours as a grand finale.

So if your sailaway party is anything like mine – gold gyrating dancers, pyrotechnics and free-flowing drinks (remember Marella is all-inclusive as standard) all bathed in the glow of a sunset before the watchful eye of the full moon begins its shift – you’re in for a wild ride.

No matter where in the world you cruise with Marella Voyager you’ll be getting your music fix. After I’m plunged into the 1920s world of red velvet sofas, martini glasses and ostrich feathers at The Exchange, I head to The Electric Rooms where I’m whisked forward 100 years.

The ultra-modern nightclub bejazzled with an LED dancefloor and neon signs, hosts late-night dance parties and silent discos and, when I visit, is packed with sweaty revellers throwing shapes into the wee hours.

One such merrymaker, I boogie with abandon to classic hits and inhale my smoky margarita – literally, it’s presented in a glass case which bellows forth smoke like a (very delicious) science experiment gone awry.

Elsewhere there’s the Broadway Theatre (the largest one in the fleet with a capacity for 900), where 12 production shows inject further theatrics into your evening and Flutes, ideal for pre or post-dinner drinks, complete with a sparkly gold piano and push-for-bubbles buttons.

Want to focus on less, well, boozy indulgence? Marella Voyager’s Oceans Spa is the biggest in the fleet where for £15 you can pamper yourself for two hours.

Treatments (I spot ocean-inspired wraps, coconut poultice massages and, intriguingly, a salon ‘Caviar Treatment’ on the menu) are an added extra. Massages start from £99 and a manicure will set you back at least £29.

Alternatively, relax in the array of saunas and steam rooms – variations include ‘herbal’ and ‘salt’ respectively, as though entrants are a tenderloin to be seasoned – and enjoy the ocean views as you cook; or head to the external relaxation area for more tranquil vistas (and fewer botanicals) at the front of the ship.

There is a range of Marella cabins to choose from to match your needs and budget, and Brits will be thrilled to know they all come with turn-down service and a mini kettle plus tea and coffee. And yes, towel animals feature.

Inside cabins (the most affordable option onboard) look cosy and a bunk bed option lends the rooms a sleepover charm (although the lack of windows might eventually prove rather less enchanting) while an outside room offers a glimpse of the outside world without excessively depleting holiday funds.

Large balcony cabins come with the perk of a hammock outside, and, no spoilers, a larger balcony, but standard balcony cabins do provide better views from the inside thanks to a wider door which is something to weigh up when picking your quarters.

New for Marella Voyager are two Voyager Suites – the biggest accommodations onboard. Marella themes these cabins on its most-loved ports and on this ship they take inspiration from St Lucia [below, right] and Santorini [below, left], with floral displays, artwork and colour schemes all intended to evoke the two destinations, no rum or donkeys required.

Abuela’s, a Mexican joint [main image], is new to the fleet, as is food hall The Kitchens, made up of eight different eateries.

I tuck into Greek food at Athena’s here and wrestle with my waistline over the banoffee pie at Cherry on Top, but most unusual has to be the roast presented in a Yorkshire pudding wrap in The Gravy Boat. Genius or gone mad? To elevate either state, you can even help yourself to beer and wine on tap at breakfast in this venue. You might find yourself very clever by lunchtime…

Not to worry though, the new food hall is open for late-night snacks – exactly what one needs to soak up the booze after a heavy night bounding around the sticky dance floor of The Electric Rooms.

Other new restaurants include speciality spot Platter, serving up charcuterie boards and wine pairings (I can vouch for the very good cheeses) while Silver Fork [below] plates up British favourites with a modern twist. I tuck into a decent beef Wellington here, a clever crumble made to resemble an entire green apple, and a marmite and chocolate fudge (surreal but nice).

Elsewhere Marella’s speciality staple Kora La has a new Thali option – an Indian-style meal made up of a selection of dishes served on a platter – and I’m told The Coffee Port is the best place for coffee cocktails and brownies but sadly I have no patience for the queue that has amassed when I visit so I can neither confirm nor deny.

I can, however, confirm there is a gym onboard (the largest in the fleet no less and with great views) but similarly, I confess I have zero personal experience of the space (no mentioning the time I had two lunches please).

If you prefer to work out al fresco there is a sports court and jogging track as well as mini golf. But I’m not sure, if you do with it a drink in hand, the latter counts as a fitness attempt.

You can pair exercise with excursions, however. Marella Voyager is equipped with e-bikes and has its own guides so you can peddle around your port of call instead of pottering if that takes your fancy.

Let’s look at where globetrotters can travel onboard the new ship.

Marella Voyager will spend her first few months based out of Palma, Majorca, sailing the Mediterranean. Itinerary hotspots include Cadiz (for Seville), Civitavecchia (for Rome), St Raphael (for St Tropez and Cannes), Ajaccio in Corsica, Olbia in Sardinia, and Naples, to name a few.

Then, in winter 2023 Marella Voyager will reposition to Barbados from where guests will be able to enjoy the Caribbean, calling at such highlights as Tortola, St Maarten, St Kitts, Antigua and Dominica.

Just don’t hit the breakfast booze too hard in the tropics: a hangover is always harder to shake in the heat…take it from me.